Getting a car
In order to drive, you need a car, mind-blowing I know, but brace yourself! We're just getting started. There are plenty of abandoned cars on the streets or in the parking places. In some cases, the owner plans to use them again, but you can't be sure. So simply choose one that you like and have some fun.
Parking Lot approach
This is why you should walk in the middle of the aisle!
In order to drive, you need a car, mind-blowing I know, but brace yourself! We're just getting started. There are plenty of abandoned cars on the streets or in the parking places. In some cases, the owner plans to use them again, but you can't be sure. So simply choose one that you like and have some fun.
Parking Lot approach
This is why you should walk in the middle of the aisle!
For the parking lot approach, one must attempt to walk in a group. Walk in the center of the parking lot aisle between the rows of cars to slow all approaching vehicles. When you have stopped, walk more slowly. If you are within 40 feet of your vehicle and do not have even a single car slowed, then you are walking much too fast. Turn around, walk back to the store, and try again.
Driveway approach
For the driveway approach, one must have first chosen to drive the vehicle that is boxed in by the most cars. That is, if at least two cars are not blocking you in, then use your cell phone and get some friends over quick! Now that you are blocked in, move one of the cars out onto the front lawn. Park it so that it blocks part of the street for through traffic to piss people off. Move the next vehicle out of the way by parking it directly across the street from the first. Also park it so that it blocks part of the street for through traffic to piss even more people off. Only just enough room for a single line of subcompact cars should remain on the street. If anyone you have ever seen even if just at the store while you were walking back to your car in the parking lot approaches on the street, then leave a door open and go talk to them. Ignore any other traffic. It is crucial to ignore other traffic during the talking to people you have seen once. Later, if you still have to drive somewhere, you can pull your vehicle out of the driveway and park it in front of a neighbor's driveway. Find out which of the driver's whose cars were blocking yours is leaving first, so you can pull their car into the optimum boxed-in spot so they will be able to leave without having too large of a crowd.
All approaches
Women: fumble in your purse looking for the keys. Do this even if you know exactly where they are. Mumble something such as "I just know my keys are in here" or "Now where's did they go?"
Men: hold keys out in right arm in the "this is a phaser" approach from Star Trek. Push alarm deactivation button. Reactivate alarm. Deactivate again.
Mount Vehicle
Always carry a spare in case your car breaks down. Be a boss.
With door open, gently set yourself onto seat far enough that you can put the keys in and start the engine. Turn on the radio to maximum and go.
Driving
1st gear, gas, more gas.
Just wait until you either die or you stop driving.
Steering
A critical mistake of many drivers is forgetting the little things, such as routine oil checks, weekly enemas, and steering.
A critical mistake of many drivers is forgetting the little things, such as routine oil checks, weekly enemas, and steering.
And these are just some of the basics for starters. Join in tommorow for advanced training such as, Drive by's, police, asshole mode, refuelling and such. Need an answer? Ask me!
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