Get hammered.
Even the fish.
What are you doing? Getting drunk? Why? Surely you have better things to do? What do you mean you don't? There's a whole world out there waiting for you! You could be doing anything. You could be the saviour of the world! But you came here to know how to get drunk so none of those things really matter.
Why?
Because alcohol is of the outmost importance in our society.
The fact of the matter is that alcohol is the root of success in today's society, much like cocaine and speed. Your modern day everyman knows this and makes sure to properly implement this into his life: but not you. Oh no, you're special. Hello, retardo, I'm the voice of reason for today: you're not different. You're just like everyone else. Which is why alcohol is necessary to blot out the pain.
Me and my friend get up to all kinds of shit, and it's all because our minds are suppressed by alcohol.
How do I go about doing this?
What you need is a thing called *cough* friends. Call them what you will: idiots, chumps, dudes, they're important to you when you get drunk alone and you're certain to be overwhelmed by lonely sorrow. And you don't need that on top of all your other problems! So call them.
With these friends, you will undoubtedly be overcome by a wonderful need for spontaneity and machoism. What better way to let it all out than to suppress your emotions through drinking? With all of your newfound joy you'll be bound to do some crazy things! Destroying public phone booths? Jumping from bridges? Getting even more wasted? Nothing is beyond you when you're as drunk as Winston Churchill.
Which beverage is best?
The only thing you need for this, after friends, is, of course, your booze. Nothing will get you stinking drunk like beer. Not even a drink made of 100% alcohol. This is because of a thing called beer is life. So stick to beer.
Nothing will get you drunk like beer. Sure, other alcohols will get you more drunk, but nothing gets you quite so characteristically fun and joyful as beer.
Why are you giving me this advice anyway, you might wonder?
Everyone needs alcohol! All you need is to relax, let it all go. Why resist? That's right, all you need is a little bottle, just relax and make the world a better or shittier place.
Bottom line is, get drunk, have some fun and do some stupid shit once in a while. It's healthy, but don't overdo it!!!
Need any advice? Ask me a question.
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Ziga.
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